Articles To Empower You

Happy as You Want to Be

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Many of you will have heard the hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone who hears it. Bobby McFerrin's simple message made a lot of people smile and think about what it takes to make one happy and how to set worry aside.

I have found that striving to live a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful; and it can be good for your health. Having an attitude of doing our best to be happy actually protects us from the stresses of life. Those stresses are linked to the top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.

When I experience stresses and changes in my lifestyle and start forgetting about the value of viewing life through a ‘happiness lens,’ I remember a saying that has stayed with me - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change.'  For some reason, this recollection reminds me that I have some power in adapting life’s changes in a way that will allow me to continue to embrace the happy side of things.  Fortunately, even when I find myself in a seemingly unbearable situation, I find solace in the knowledge that it too will change.  That is not to suggest that I do not have my ups and downs – I certainly do.  But when I do, I pull out some positive self talk, look at my many blessings, and hum a few bars of ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy.’  It is amazing, how one can convince oneself that things are not so bad after all.

During my life, I have found that social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. I am fortunate to have these networks and relationships in my life.  I find beauty in the many differences and similarities in people; I do my best to accept people for who or what they are rather than what they have; I work toward resolution of differences and prevention of future clashes and/or unhealthy disagreements; I make an effort to understand others’ perspective or points of view; and, while this one is difficult, I do my best to let go of the variety of resentments I could hold onto.

Life can throw us some tough curves.  We cannot do much about the barriers that may people or life in general place in our paths.  However, as Abraham Lincoln observed, ‘…most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook [will] be.’  I urge you to choose to be happy; to choose to be relaxed; and most definitely, to choose to have a bright outlook on life.  Give it a try!  It won’t hurt you and you may discover a wonderful, healthy way to find happiness - no matter your lot in life.

There are several ways by which you can do this.

I have found that being grateful for the little things in life can affect one’s happiness.  Remember to thank the taxi driver for getting you home safely; thank the cook (whether it is a family member, a helper or a Chef at a restaurant) for a wonderful dinner; thank the person who sands the streets to make getting around safer after a snowfall; thank the mail carrier for bringing you your mail (even the bills); and, thank your higher power for being alive.  Those little acts of kindness on your part may help you remember that life is wonderful and worth living.

Monitoring our News intake can affect the stress and negativity in our life.  Unfortunately, people’s bad luck and pain sells newspapers and makes headlines.  We may be happier if we get less News.  Some of us just can't start the day without our daily dose of News. Yet, 99% of the News we watch, hear or read is bad News. If we think about it, starting the day with bad News does not seem very sensible.  Of course, we need to be knowledgeable of local and world News and events.  However, it may be wise to start the day with something more positive and pleasant – start off with some happy thoughts.

Having belief and a connection with a higher power (whatever that means to you) is also recommended for a happy life. Being part of a religious group with its traditions, singing, sacraments, chanting, prayers and meditations foster inner peace; inner peace fosters a happier outlook on life.

Laughing heartily everyday enhances happiness and healthiness.  As they say -'Laughter is the best medicine' and that ‘medicine’ tastes so much better when we share it with a friend or family member.  I often make a particular note of some of the funny things I witness so I can share it later.  The humour is just as delightful the second time around.

When I speak of laughter, I mean laughing with someone, not laughing at someone.  While sharing a good joke can bring about some good laughter, my preference is to stay away from ethnic, racist, sexist, etc. jokes. 

Expressing our feelings, friendship, affections, and passion to people around us can affect our happiness as others are likely to reciprocate our expressions and actions.  This can also make us healthier as keeping anger or frustrations pent up can adversely affect our health.  When dealing with negative feelings, thoughts or resentments, it is healthier to express them in ways that will not cause more injury or hurt to ourselves or anyone else.

Learning is a joyful activity that can boost our happiness.  I try to learn something new everyday whether that learning is academic, human or experiential.  This not only expands our horizons but often leads to opportunities in the future in areas we may not have considered prior to learning something new from our ever changing world.

Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction which enhances one’s happiness and health.  This can give one a personal feeling of fulfillment and competence in finishing our tasks. A sense of accomplishment is beneficial for all of us as it gives us a sense of value.  Whether we are working for pay or volunteering, one often feels more of a sense of achievement when we engage in things that we feel is worthy of our time.  I underscore the value of volunteering being part of our lives as it provides invaluable experience, exposes us to new networks and of course, gives back to society.

Being aware of our surroundings can influence our present and future health and happiness.  Many young people have been told that they are ‘judged by the company they keep.’  It is important that we be aware of where we are and whether there are dangers that may impact us.  It is important to avoid exposure to negative elements, including people who have a negative attitude.  At times, it seems that such negativity is contagious – let’s catch happiness instead.  In the 21^st century, it is also wise to consider environmental elements such as loud noises, toxins and hazardous places as they can definitely have a bearing on one’s health which in turn can influence your overall happiness.

Managing our time wisely can decrease stress. One’s time is invaluable and far too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals and timelines, planning, creating ‘things to do’ lists and prioritizing. The basic, core time management skills are transferable to efficient personal time management – in your work, volunteer endeavours and in your life.  When my time and tasks are well managed, it brings a smile to my face, a song to my heart, and allows room for the happiness that may be hidden under layers of unmanaged time.  Once I reach a level of proficiency in time management, those basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give me that extra reserve to enhance my time management further and of course, result in considerable happiness and health.

Engaging, regularly in a healthy regime of appropriate activities can definitely impact our current and future health and happiness.  Depending upon one’s ability or disability, it is useful to maintain or enhance our general health through activity, taking into consideration our personal capacity if one is a person with a disability. I try to remember to give my brain some different ‘exercise’ on a regular basis as well as it, like our bodies, needs maintenance.  When we are sensible about our ‘fitness’ regime, we are often happier and healthier while feeling truly alive.

I hope you try some of these tips and they are beneficial to you. I wish you a happier, healthier life – much is in your hands!

If you would like to know more about Bobby McFerrin, or you would like to buy his hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' visit his website http://www.bobbymcferrin.com

Power through the people

Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he'll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and charismatic that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person. If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can't see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. Be genuine

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested to people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. Be the greatest listener that you can be

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, and it does. Brownie points when they find out that there is a confidante in you.

3. Laugh out loud

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all. This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. Don't forget yourself

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. Do random acts of kindness

You don't have to do a John Rockefeller and blow your savings to charity. Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When we were kindergarten students, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced. Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. Contact your old friends

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping your yearbook and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you feel good all over.

7. Develop your personality

Are you grouchy, grumpy and generally morose? Whoa, you can't go through life with those. Get rid of the bad traits and habits that perpetually hamper your growth. And really, who wants a grouchy friend anyway?

8. Be confident

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

9. Practice control

When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

10. Keep nurturing your relationships

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious that you must not neglect it whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice versa.

"A Better You" Your 7 days program to self-improvement

I seem to have lost count on how many times I've read and heard of celebrity marriages failing apart after we have also heard about all of their ups and downs/twists and turns.  Not that I really care (even though one may find me listening to or peeking at the headlines while in line at the super market), but it seems strange how we tend to see movie and TV stars as flawless people, living the fairytale life of riches and glamour while some aspire to be like them. With all the real issues in this world, my preference would be to highlight them (both positive and negative) and work toward making this a better world rather than sticking our heads in the clouds of the land of super stars.

This type of desire to be like those in Hollywood can take a big bite out of one’s self esteem when we realize that their reality will never be ours.  We sometime think our lives are mundane and trivial matters get blown out of proportion if we lack a solid base of self worth and sense of self.

I can talk about the issue of self esteem as I am an experienced self denigrater.  I am not boasting about that!  I just want you to know that I understand this matter and use these and other hints for self-improvement and esteem building.  Here are some tips that you may choose to try over the next week.

1. Know Your Purpose
Do you ever find yourself wandering through life with little direction - hoping that you'll find happiness, health and prosperity?  (I certainly have).  I identified my life purpose and personal mission statement which has given me my own, rather unique compass that leads me and my personal truth through every day and life’s ups and downs.

If you choose to try this, it may seem tricky at first should you find that you have just been existing without a goal in life.  However, there is always a little loophole to turn things around to help you determine where you want to go in life (be that through work or volunteer service).  It is amazing how your self worth improves when you can identify what you want from life and what you are willing to give back.

I have found that I have reassessed my purpose and mission several times through the years as I have grown and/or life has dealt me a surprise or two.  Don’t hesitate to engage in this self reflection over and over again.

2. Know Your Values
Have you identified what you value most?  It can be helpful to make a list of your top 5 values. Yes, actually write them out.  Some of my values include: family, learning, spiritual growth, social justice and sense of community.  Why don’t you have a look at your values.

It can be useful, once you have listed you values, to check them against your goals or mission in life.  Do they align with your purpose?  If not, you may want to re-examine your goals or purpose.  It is pretty difficult to achieve your personal mission statement if it does not reflect your values.  This can undermine your feelings of self worth because you are struggling to achieve something that opposes your core values.

Can you see the benefit of actually writing these values down?  It gives you a great way to examine where you are going and why. As I mentioned earlier, don’t be hesitant to reconsider or revise your goals in life to get them in line with your values.  You may be surprised how motivated you are.  AND, check out your self esteem after you complete this activity.

3. Know Your Needs
I have observed that unmet needs can keep one from living authentically. I am still learning to take care of myself – you will benefit from doing likewise.  

Do you have a need to be acknowledged; to be right; to be in control; to be healed; to be loved?  Take a few moments and list your top four needs.  Now, list how those needs can be met.  This is an activity that can be done frequently as our needs can change from week to week or year to year.  This approach can help you achieve more of your goals and dreams while reducing stress or even depression.  Once again, this can enhance your task of self-improvement.

4. Know Your Passions
If you have done the above activities, you likely know who you are and what you truly enjoy in life. Watch out for obstacles such as self doubt or lack of enthusiasm as they can hinder you, derail you and attack your sense of self-worth.

It can be very rewarding to be able to follow your passions.  We may not all be able to have a job or career in the area of our passion but there are ample opportunities to volunteer your talents and time to others.  It is amazing how gratified one’s passion can be through this channel.

5. Live From The Inside Out
Increase your awareness of and capacity to call upon your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence.  As they say, ‘commune with nature.’ Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind or calm frustration, stress or anger.  

For most of us who are ‘city slickers’ it can be difficult to find peace and quiet even in our own homes. I am a great example of the old adage that, ‘music calms the savage beast.’ When I need to look at my inside, I often just sit in a dimly lit room and play some jazz music.  I also find that meditating to one of my favourite CD’s can also assist me with self reflection.  I’m not certain of the physiological formula that comes into play when I listen to my music or meditate, but I have a much clearer understanding of myself after doing so.  Why don’t you find out what soothes you so you can do your own inside work?

6. Honor Your Strengths
Many of us never or seldom examine our positive traits or special talents.  Of course, that usually means that we find it hard to talk about how great we are either.

List three of your gifts - if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify them.  Need a bit of help? Are you imaginative, witty, kind or good with your hands? I know this can be a tough task.  Please take the time to find ways to express your real self through your strengths. This activity can increase one’s self-confidence and sense of self worth, especially when you are able to share what you know about your positive characteristics with others.

7. Serve Others
I alluded to volunteering earlier in this article.  When we live authentically, we may find that we develop a wonderful interconnected sense of being. When we are true to ourselves, living our purpose and giving of our talents to the world around us, we give back in service to others - our spirit – our very essence. The rewards of sharing our gifts with people close to us abound; the rewards of sharing our gifts with strangers can be even greater.

Self-improvement is indeed one type of work that always pays off.  Please remember that it need not always be within the confines of an office building, or even the four corners of your own room. Our self-improvement lies within ourselves and how much we want to change for the better.

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